I’ve been experiencing serious resistance in every area of my life lately. It doesn’t seem possible that it is coincidence. The opposition has been fierce. Several recent events have seemed to violate the laws of physics and the statuary tables. Some days I shake my head and think, “This can’t be happening,” but it is.
The believer facing an uphill battle should consider that, aside from life’s equal-opportunity thrashings, God also permits demonic harassment in the lives of His children. However, He also puts protective limits in place. The key is to remember that these things are tests. They aren’t random events, and it doesn’t pay to look at them as instances of misfortune. Pain, bereavement and mishaps of all sizes can be productive if we trust that God is accomplishing good things in our lives with them.
The thing is that I know all this, but what I’m going through is so painful that I’m having difficulty maintaining a proper attitude. I know I’m supposed to pray and hold on, but I’m going through a mid-life crisis on steroids. All my efforts in life seem to be coming to nothing. It’s almost impossible not to doubt the value of my life and the significance of my existence in the world. I wonder if anything important is happening as a result of my prayers and my acknowledgement of God in my daily affairs.
I know the world is empty. I’ve completely given up on it. It’s full of sorrow and sham and bursting with meaningless garbage. Most of its inhabitants don’t even know I exist. All its wares are cheap and unsatisfying. It’s like a Wal-Mart where you pay top dollar. So I don’t have any illusions about finding what I want in the world. If my life doesn’t amount to anything in the spiritual realm, then it might as well be over. If I were to walk away from God, the next step would be to jump out a window. That is the degree to which I have separated myself from the world in my imagination.
I wonder if maybe all this is proceeding as it should. Perhaps I’m being pruned here. Everything I touch falls apart; do I keep saying my prayers and going after Jesus anyway? Maybe this is God teaching me to invest in Him and stop evaluating my life based on temporal benchmarks. It could be that all the things I’ve been pursuing are a waste of time from God’s perspective. If I have really given my life to Him, I suppose I have to let Him worry about the value of what is actually getting accomplished. It looks like a disaster to me, but it’s not really my life anymore.
OK, God. Do whatever you want.